Trainee first day

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone :
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded: "You fool, you've dialled the
wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to ?"

"No" replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot!"
The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you
IDIOT ?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

How ten famous people reacted when they were invited to a party:

1 Archimedes was buoyant.

2 Boyle said he was under too much pressure.

3 Ohm resisted the invitation, at first.

4 Darwin said he would have to see what evolved.

5 Edison said it would be an illuminating experience.

6 Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.

7 Wilbur Wright accepted provided that he and Orville could get a flight.

8 Morse replied: "I`II be there on the dot; can't stop now, must dash"

9 Said Einstein: "Attending your party would be relatively simple."

10 "To sum up," said Ramanujan,"my chances of coming are zero."

fastest way of communication

telegram
telephone
television
tell-a-woman

Naye zamaane ke kabeer ke dohe

Jo tujhko kaanta boye usko boya tu bhaala
Wo bhi saala yaad karegaa kis se pada tha paala

Aisi vaani boliye man ka aapa khoye
Sun ne waala saat janam tak fafak fafak kar roye

Gangaji ke ghat par bicycle ki bheed
Tulsidas puncture kare hawa bharat hai Kabir

Khandala ghatna ghati, ghtna badi gambheer
Tulsi das ne chhedi ladki pakde gaye Kabir

Aaj kare so kal kar, Kal kare so parson
Aisi bhi kya jaldi hai yaaro jab jeena hai barson

Sai itna deejiye jaame kutumb samaaye
Ek santro, Vasai mein bungalow aur aishwarya mil jaaye

Dukhiya sab sansaar hai jaage aur roye
Sukhiya kavi ****** hai khaaye aur soye

Right - Left Brain

One day, Mr. Tung went to the doctor because he suspected that
his brain had some problems.
The doctor carefully went through all the check-ups and spoke to
Mr. Tung after getting the reports,
?Well, Mr. Tung, the situation is?hm?you see?there are two brains
in your head, one is left brain and the other is right brain.In your left
brain, there is nothing right; in your right brain,there is nothing left.?

MEN / WOMEN

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife
stays at home.

I want Her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. God, in his infinite
wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set
out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry
cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put
away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the e check book.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and Bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds,do the
laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way; home. Set out milk and cookies and got
the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for
supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and,though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love
which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was! Thinking. I was so
wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back. "

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things
back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."...

Strategy

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?
"The barman says "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over andsays, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
Bush says, "We're planning world war 3."
"The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman." And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman?!!!"
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"

Proposal

Man (to a woman passing by): Jaaneman, is dil mein aaja.
Woman: Sandal nikaalun kya?
Man: Pagli, yeh mandir thodai hai. Aise hi aaja . . .

What Lawyers should not ask ....

Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.....

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs.Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you
never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I
know you. "

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones. do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state .Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I
know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you b#$&#@ asks her if she knows me,
I'll throw you in jail for contempt."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."